Most of you who follow my blog know I recently went through a divorce after discovering I was married to a narcissist for 18 years. The last 4 or 5 years were a real struggle as it’s when I lost my mom, gained a ton of weight, COVID hit, and many things that I thought were going well crumbled. I found myself in a deep despair.
Not only had I lost my best friend and my strength, that was my mom, I had to deal with her death alone. The man I was married to was more concerned why dinner was not made than the fact that I had been crying in the bedroom. I didn’t realize it at the time, but food became my comfort. I baked sweet treats, and that, in some odd way, made me feel better. It gave me some comfort.
As the weight spiked, so did the mean comments. He would say things like I was lucky to have him, how no one would want me being so fat. How my looks were fading, and I was beginning to look like my Aunt (whom he knew was very overweight). I began to see myself through his eyes. I stopped looking in the mirror. I stopped coaching women because how could I teach them how to love themselves when I could not do the same?
The Disappearing Act
I lost my spark, my glow, my passion. I just existed to please a man. To be a mom. That was all I was here for, right? To serve others, and make sure the house was happy. No one asked about my day, and no one seemed to care if my nose was in my phone all day or that I hadn’t talked much. On the contrary, things seemed to get better when I went silent.
There were not as many fights, the house seemed more peaceful, the kids seemed content without me checking in on them all the time or being nosey. For about 2 years, I disappeared, and no one really seemed to notice.
The Mirror Moment
Until one day, I stopped at that mirror that I passed thousands of times, never really looking up at, and suddenly, I did look up. I looked at my eyes, the clouded, no-joy eyes that used to light up when I saw myself. I noticed my face looked wilted and old. When did this happen? I looked at my belly that hung over my pants and said, have I always looked this bad?
At that moment, I realized I needed a reset. To practice what I taught hundreds of women in the past. I touched my face and cried. It was the first time anyone had actually touched my face in years. Then I said, you are worthy of love. You can make it on your own. This is not living.
Breaking the Chains
Not long after that, the man I married began to show his true face, hurting me and the children with words and sometimes accidental violence. All signs showing me I was right all along. This was not love but convenience. This was not a marriage but a prison. This had never been a partnership, and I just went along for the ride.
But the moment I decided to break those chains, my joy began to peek back in. The dull look in my eyes began to brighten, and my smile returned.
The Magical Transformation
The truth is I am not where I want to be yet, but every day I am working on myself. I am giving myself grace and love just like I would my own children. I am reminding myself that growth takes time, that this weight was all my pain I tried to hide. It will come off, my face will begin to brighten, and the lines on my face is wisdom I can now share with each of you.
Something magical happened when I began to love myself. I started attracting things into my life. Coaching opportunities began to open up again, people from my past began to message me, old classmates would say things to make me feel good again. I began to believe I was not just a bag of flesh but a divine being again. I started to awaken again to who I always knew I was but had forgotten.
Your Divine Imperfections Are Your Power
When you embrace your flaws – those stretch marks that tell stories of growth, the emotional scars that showcase your resilience, the extra weight that protected you when you needed comfort – you send a signal to the universe. You’re saying, “I am whole exactly as I am.” And darlings, the universe listens.
Self-love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about honoring your journey, including the messy parts. It’s about looking in the mirror and saying, “I see you. All of you. And you are magnificent.” When you truly begin to vibrate at this frequency of self-acceptance, watch how your external world shifts to match it.
Your Invitation to Awakening
This story is my truth. I am just like all of you, dealing with everyday struggles and life. I know you might be feeling the same things, but you are not alone in this. I want you all to know that I hear you, I see you, and I have been there. If I can get through it, so can you.
Today, I invite you to stand before your mirror. Look into your own eyes. Touch your face gently. And whisper to yourself:
“I love you exactly as you are right now.” Do this every day for a week and watch how your energy begins to shift.
Remember, beautiful soul – when you love yourself fully, flaws and all, you become a magnet for everything you desire. Your radiance cannot be dimmed when it comes from within.
✨ What part of yourself will you learn to love today? Share in the comments below. I’m here walking this journey alongside you. ✨