I sit here, tears streaming down my face as I write this, my heart both heavy and somehow lighter at the same time. As a life coach, I’ve helped countless women find their path, yet here I am, having just experienced my own earth-shattering moment of clarity.
Twenty years. Twenty years of doubting myself, of shrinking, of believing I was the monster in our story. My husband’s words had become the narrator of my existence: “You’re the narcissist,” “You’re too emotional,” “You’re the problem.” I had internalized every syllable, every accusation, until I couldn’t recognize the woman in the mirror anymore.
The Question That Changed Everything
But then, in my last therapy session, my therapist asked me something so simple yet profound that it stopped my racing thoughts dead in their tracks: “In your past relationships, did you ever experience these same issues? Did you feel this kind of anger, this desperation to be heard?”
The silence that followed was deafening.
No. No, I hadn’t. I had never before:
- Begged for basic affection
- Fought to simply be heard
- Lost myself in rage born from desperation
- Felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells
- Had to defend my sanity and reality
The Truth Surfaces
This realization hit me like a tidal wave: I wasn’t the problem. I never was.
What you’re experiencing, dear sister who might be reading this through tears of recognition, isn’t your true nature. It’s your spirit’s reaction to:
- Emotional abuse
- Systematic gaslighting
- Calculated neglect
- Strategic love bombing
- Continuous manipulation
Steps Toward Freedom
To every woman who sees herself in these words, please hear me:
- Start documenting everything – Keep a private journal of incidents and your feelings
- Trust your memories – Your past relationships are proof of who you really are
- Build your support network – Confide in trusted friends, family, or a therapist
- Remember who you were – Before the self-doubt, before the pain
- Plan your exit carefully – Take small, steady steps toward independence
The Raw Truth
I’m not writing this from the other side of healing – I’m right here in the trenches with you. My hands shake as I type this, knowing he might read these words. But I’m done being silent. I’m done doubting myself.
To the woman who’s been told she’s “too much,” “too emotional,” or “the problem” – look back at who you were before him. That woman still exists. She’s waiting for you to remember her strength, her joy, her light.
You’re not crazy. You’re not the problem. You’re not alone. And neither am I. This journey of rediscovery is terrifying and liberating all at once. But I promise you this: the moment you start believing in yourself again, the path to freedom becomes clearer.
Remember: The very fact that you’re questioning if you’re the problem shows that you’re not. True narcissists don’t lose sleep wondering if they’re the toxic one.
It’s time to rise, sisters. It’s time to remember who we were always meant to be.
With love, hope, and solidarity,
Sheena Matos
P.S. If you’re reading this and your heart is racing with recognition, please reach out to domestic abuse resources in your area or reach out to me for a free consultation. Your first step toward freedom starts with acknowledging your worth. I am here to walk with you, so neither of us has to do it alone!